Tuesday, February 23, 2010

so many rivers

Dearest darling, I'm going to pretend that it's just you & me. Well - maybe for a moment it is - I vacuumed up a hell of a lot of "ladybugs" today.

So today was a snowday, but I was not the Lady of the Woods. I've been rather neglectful in the housekeeping department, and things were just feeling very dusty, grimy, and buggy. I cannot leave this house without at least trying to go through the symbolic - more than symbolic - rituals of trying to de-dust the place. Ah, an association. There's some English children's book author whose theme is that dust is the big enemy of life - will "quilt" later - but I think I did feel that way. But I do find, at this point, housework exhausting. But it was weird. All these songs were kindof obviously in reference to you, me, you & me, etc., and as late as 5 I was standing there ironing, and I hadn't even showered or dressed yet. Don't think that's a typical state of affairs - I'm quite punctilious in the personal-grooming department - but housework - well, I have to let myself go on some level.

Now they're playing a song that starts Lalalalala - storms gather in her head some days...

I remember a little conversation I had with your brother. I said to him how music affects my mood, can transport me, change my mood entirely. G looked at me and said something along the lines of I figure out the mood I'm in and then choose the music accordingly.

Well, he wasn't "wrong" - god knows, I've purposely put on the Enigma Variations when I'm in a certain epic mood. But, I am affected by music - this mix of songs on KZE - they're appealing to my mix of goddesses - and I can "go with the flow," embrace each mood as it comes, in its turn, store it away.

Perhaps one of the most pernicious concepts ever - 7 Faces of Eve, the whole idea that the Joanne Woodward character had this split personality that was.... schizophrenic... bad.... well, the words are failing me, but it was a Bad Thing.

And now, in my personal re-education - my personal evolution - in modernity, we are incredibly complicated creatures. So many goddesses - aspects - in me, each quite valid, the trick (no, no trick, far from it) is to embrace the complexity.

blah blah blah blah blah
ever so many kisses, darling
oh when oh when will we be able to review this material in person?

I looked at him, feeling extremely lame, although these days, I'm thinking I'm the one, as confused as insecure as I was, who got it.

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