Heart of Hearts

Belle to Linda, 30 May 2007

Anyway, it's amazing to me how my thinking - lifelong conditioning - is slowly changing since I moved up here two years ago. I quit my desk job back then (I chafed in the city bureaucracy) and have felt a lot of guilt and self-doubt about not having a "normal" career, dropping out. But I have a whole new re-education ahead of me, and I am facing it and look forward to it. Someone commented on a blog - "Be an activist as though everything depended on politicians. But act as though everything depends on you." I find that empowering, because I feel there's little I can do about, say, the war in Iraq, or the impending new "Greenport Commons." But I can turn off my electric clothes drier, and reduce my dependence on the Price Chopper (or even gas-guzzling farmstand runs) by trying to grow my own produce, and reduce trips to the dump (and fertilize my produce) through composting. And generally, just try to live my life consistent with my values and grasp of the situation facing the world.

So I think the revolution - one now looms ahead - will depend on individuals doing it for themselves, "acting as though everything depends on them." For me, I see that there will be a lot of imperfection, a lot of inconsistency, but the goal can be set and worked towards.

In college, I really enjoyed reading Voltaire's Candide, and I always found the character of Cunegonde, who just wanted to cultivate her garden, so appealing. I felt that, in my heart of hearts, that was the life I wanted. But there were a lot of expectations to Get a Career. Well, I did and I have nothing more to prove on that score, but I have a chance now to rediscover my inner Cunegonde, who always just wanted to cultivate her garden.

I need your cornbread, too. EVERY DAY.