Hello sweetheart, thank you for giving me your hand, what a wonderful way to greet the day, with that gesture. Especially since you were in my dreams last night, we managed to be together, with the usual suspects about of course, and yet we managed, without getting caught or found out (the surrounding cast, in my dream anyway, oddly oblivious), to lie together in bed for a little while, in each other's arms, savoring kisses and the feel of each other, and knowing not only that this encounter was dangerous and on-the-fly, but that it might be the only contact you and I would have for a year or more... And then the dream dissolved, my aunt was angry about something, your wife & I shared a gooey chocolate cupcake with cream, somehow the bedroom (the one nearest the front door) had turned into a convenience store.

I was thinking today how I haven't been to the city in a long while, I don't quite remember when was the last time, last fall sometime. The Brooklyn invitations seem to have dried up. I think it might be because the wife retired, and so I imagine that their travel budget has been sharply curtailed. I should think about suggesting a weekend swap with them, perhaps D could stay in an apartment in town (town - here) like last time. Only - how awkward is that? Very. But I do miss the city, the energy of it, the ability to check out a gallery or museum exhibit. Don't worry, darling, eventually a trip to the city will happen - will have to. I have two blue toys, but one is distinctly less effective than the other, and so when the "good one" goes -- well you know there will be a sudden rush to visit Soho or Park Slope. Also, let's say the 'good' blue toy lasts for quite a while longer... my tiny cut-glass bottle of Miss Dior, that I spritz on once a day - one spritz, that I rub between my wrists, apply to inner arm and behind my ears, and not even, necessarily, every day -- it's half-empty... eventually it will run out and I will simply have to stop by Saks F.A. -- F.A. meaning "Fifth Avenue" -- and also "for another."

Dinner will be grilled steak, and salad. No housecleaning today, thankfully. A trifecta - achieved, again - no headache. I continue to troll the C.L. ads. Possibly I should post my own? It's something to think about. So stupid, but the mechanics of it are a little difficult - D and I share this computer - and somehow the CL programming has his email & cell - and stubbornly doesn't want to accept some other 'user' from this computer. Yet another example of my frustration, besides slow downloads (we still have dialup!)...

Well sweetheart, perhaps I'll end this daily missive for lack of news. Do you understand why, now, I've never been able to come up with the annual, typewritten, generic newsy form letter often enclosed in Christmas cards?

Dear Friends, Well a year of trolling CL ads for a viable love interest went nowhere as I continued to harbor feelings of illicit love for someone completely inappropriate to me, and managed to shake off like Lyme disease thoughts of an ancient paramour as well -- (listen guys -- that electroshock therapy -- I'm telling you, it worked for me - call me [insert thumb & pinkie gesture here] --

Many kisses you - for real (well, sort of)
taking your hand
and giving you many kisses in return
have I ever told you -- I think you're cute?
no - I mean it - you're cute - in that sexy, delicious
I want to eat you up kind of way cute
aaaarrgghhh

gawd I could go for a chocolate cupcake with gushy spurting white-cream filled center
[see - that's me - more than a spanking]
but no, M., if I have a cup of coffee at this hour, it will only keep me up all night

xoxo
love you

P.S. lying in your arms, late at night, so happy, so cozy, wondering, what size dress do you suppose Dora Maar wore... kissing your, oh I don't know what size neck, my delicious fragrant incredible darling...