Sweetheart, sitting up in the aerie, pondering what to write, my heart full, and mind full too, of impressions of a beautiful day, and possibly a crossroads reached, or about to be reached... where it's going to be harder for me to blog, or I may not wish to anymore, or it will simply be inappropriate to do so... so even now, I feel myself reticent, except to say that I encountered someone today, and we very much hit it off...
It's funny, with those CL posts, and responses to them... so many seem to go to spam, are never received. Because I'd actually replied to a post of his back in mid-March. And then to a completely reworded one in the past couple of days -- I had no idea it was the same person. So he responded to the latter, and only as we stood around on the street after lunch talking some more, that he mentioned about his previous post -- and I said -- OMG! I had totally replied to that one, resending the same message a second time that day even, because I know some of those messages get lost. And he was incredulous, had no idea --- didn't think anyone 'for real' at all had responded to his post. So it's funny... so we met today... and possibly if he'd received (or realized that it was a real response) my original message... well, possibly a bit of pain and awkwardness last week might have been averted, that I feel bad about, in some inchoate way --
but isn't life just utterly funny that way -- the connections, and missed connections, and sideways connections, and glancing ones --- so maybe it was all 'meant to be' just as it happened -- who am I to say? It has happened, as it has happened -- it's all rather tautological in the end.
So - no 'big announcements' today, or dropping the blog suddenly, but just giving you a bit of an advance word.... something I myself might have appreciated from certain quarters. Ah, so what anymore. But dearest, I do want to let you know... so you're not left hanging, guessing --- feeling summarily 'dropped.' Because you know - well you know it's not that -
And maybe I'll be wrong, anyway, maybe this encounter will take a twist & turn that I can't anticipate, that won't go well. But - I don't know - I feel quite positive about it, I think --
And that's it really, for now, darling. I stopped at the supermarket afterward and among other items bought some 'fair-trade' pink roses, that sit on my desk now, arranged in a lovely transparent glass jar, shaped like a small urn (with even protruberances, suggesting vestigial handles) that once contained, if I recall, fancy olives imported from Tuscany. Anyway, the clipped roses look lovely sitting in that simple lovely-shaped glass.
I'm thinking of comets, and meteors, and shooting stars, and even pinball machines, all these heavenly bodies (or small hard beads) shooting, colliding, glancing all over the place. I wish it could have been you and me, dearest -- and in some ways, special to us, it has been -- but we knew -- and we hardly needed Andrew Marvell to remind us, though he tied up the thought with a bow -- that our lines could only parallel, never really cross, and that we could never really get together.
And then there are relationships (I've heard of some deeply troubled ones, from individuals lately) that one has an incredibly difficult time extricating one's self from, if it's even possible.
I'm in not quite as dire a situation as two I've learned about in recent days, but I have my own problems, and my situation while not 'extreme' isn't -- well, I'm not even going for 'ideal' -- I just wanted loving, companionable --- 'partnership' --
so given such circumstances for me - and for him - to encounter - like a winning lottery ticket (we don't know if we won $50 though -- or $5 million -- time will tell) -- or just the right two people glancing, colliding, through the incredible medium of the internet, and CL...
and meeting up for a meal, and finding a great deal in common between ourselves -- mostly, I would say, in our world views, and philosophies ---
well, to find ourselves the same age --- we're at the same point, the same conjunction, timewise on the planet, a couple of intelligent, creative, loving...
and you too darling--- but you're at an entirely different latitude and longitude - wherever you are --
but I do love that we're all the same age -- there is so much to be said for that, as we get older ---
anyway - darling -- signing off now, this mess of a post -- I hope you've been having a beautiful day, everything working out nicely, or as nicely as possible, not a mess -- oh there is hope for us --- there is!
all my love, dearest, whatever happens --