Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Oh sweetheart, coffee a week and a day from now isn't cutting it at the moment for me. I want you right here right now, dancing with me in the solarium, while the last rays of light brightening the windows set maroon-leafed tropical plants aglow. Why can't you just be over here already? Oh yeah, I know -- those details. Oh but baby we're so right for each other why do I have to piddle around with CL when I just want to want to want to... whatever happened to our little private communications? Not that I want to say it in writing, that's the point, I really don't, oh aarrgghhh. I had a fantastic session this morning, but that was hours ago. It didn't take so long, and I could be loud as I wanted, because the county DPW crew, in massive loud trucks & machinery was out there doing something, I didn't know or care what, I figured they were repainting the double-yellow lines on our dead-end but not demapped road. So with all that noise & rumbling & general county busyness outside the windows of my tightly sealed upstairs cubiculum, when the time came, after some truly atrocious fantasies, I just let it out out out out out. I am so loud now, what the hell? I love emitting the noise -- truly it is what it is, unmistakable, no faking, it rises up, my breath quickening, finding its way to my vocal chords --- it's part of it, there's the unmistakable pulsating (now I really know it for what it is, accept no substitutes) and then there's this involuntary animal vocalizing, it's pretty amazing. I am steeped in thinking about CL postings, albany, hudson valley, western mass -- catskills & northwest ct are for the birds, dead zones, nothing happens there. funny, living where I do, I fall between the cracks yet again, in CL geographic terms -- where I am is not really located in "any of the above." and so I troll them all. I could go for some now, but not by myself - with you. I've been wondering - given many CL postings - about dom/sub relationships. some of my fantasies get extreme, just to quicken matters. but I'm a person who writes down my dreams, if I remember them on waking. so I wonder about the fantasies I have in my waking hours, when I'm getting down to it. do they mean anything about me? are they significant, giving me a clue as to my personality & needs? or are they simply extreme - so as to be expedient? am I a sub? I think D thought I might be a dom, with him a sub [and I mean this in very broad terms]. I don't know what I'm talking about, not really. but I wonder about my masochistic obsession [which I am all but over, if forcibly], and wonder if psychologically there was some sort of sub/dom thing going on, underground, psychically. I don't know. darling, which are you -- well, maybe it's not an either or, you beautiful naughty awful man oh I'd like to.... you.
ah so I must hold out One Whole Week Plus a Day -- chastest penance of time ever to hold out for -- for -- for what? a cup of coffee!! albeit a delicious one I'm sure, at a stylish cafe. I hope we have fun. but I wish it'd be you, right here, right now, Man of the World, age 54, MWM seeking love & illicit bonding coupling without rocking any boats "at this time."
File under: Frustration.
Oh my darling. Love you.

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