My darling, best reason ever to be in the fittest shape one can be, toned, aware of one's physique, one's muscles? Ah, because it opens up the erotic side, to such an expressive degree. I have just picked myself up from the floor, the wool rug where I lay as dusk turned to darkness. D had announced from downstairs that he was leaving the house for an hour, and I was so in need. But I was chilly too, and I turned up the heat, and lay down on the floor still wearing my tops, layered sweaters. I sipped wine, and put in batteries, and applied myself, and it was amazing, not quite as much so as this morning, in bed, light filtering through drawn sheer curtains, ah but awfully swell nonetheless, in a strange act that's so physical and yet so cerebral, imaginative as well. I won't get graphic here but I admit that my fantasies, to be "effective" have gotten, in the reel of my mind's eye, gender-bending, omnivorous, insatiable ... it felt marvelous to lie back on an old towel, bed pillow behind my head, on the warm wool rug in darkness, my feet up on the bed, blue toy a stand-in, only it belonged to me, it was attached to me, I was the one pumping, while I regarded the form of a woman, my lover, savoring me. I lay back in darkness, purring & grinning as though I was getting a facial at a Vancouver spa, delicious as that, only in dark, the two of us, loving & dancing, so physical, amazing, it felt amazing to move my body, slim hipped only by comparison, and I had to throw off my sweaters because exuberant twins straining up top demanded release... and I didn't end up coming, not this time, and maybe it shouldn't always be about that though frankly usually it is for me... it wasn't tantric exactly but it was hugely sensuous and satisfying and luxurious and decadent and felt absolutely splendid and I was at it long enough though under an hour that night fell and I could see the moon very high up gleaming in the eastern sky. And then I called it quits and lay back peacefully joyfully on the rug, simply relaxing, stretching out my limbs... my arms that feel to me so -- well I feel them, I'm so aware of them, they're toned, all that walking with weights and the workouts -- has given me back the sensation of enjoying and being at one with my own body in the most beautiful amazing way -- oh Vitruvian! -- and I stretched my arms out, and my arms are quite lovely -- not that I'm so longlimbed, but my limbs are long enough and toned, and I think about graceful movements -- I am so glad I am in possession of my very own body, and all that it is capable of, including connecting me with my soul, and with angels...