Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Hello my dear love, so many kisses for you this evening. Thanks for bearing with me the last few days. I am feeling better. I felt a little fragile & shaky today emotionally, but as the sun came out in the afternoon and I kept busy cooking & walking & working out & generally moving and trying not to dwell on things... things got shaken loose in my mind and I genuinely do feel better now, out the other side. That letter was uncanny, and it walloped me, but I'm glad (divine providence? kismet? what?) that I encountered it, it forced something - no, it gave an opportunity, a rare glimpse of being able to see from a different point of view, one that I had no access to. And that truly was a gift - a godsend. So - thank you.

I want to say that - a bunch of things helped me think through this -- your abiding presence, dearest, I could tell you were thinking of me, and I cannot tell you how immeasurably important and precious that has been to me -- your great warmth & caring -- always shining through. And also -- well - yet again - that guy who used to live across the street from me -- I had googled him the other day in connection with his poetry, and found a poem of his that unexpectedly very very strongly resonated with me, in the current context. Here is the link.

Darling, this is the least poetic post ever - I'm just going to set it out -- I am not a peacock, and that's that. I have no business with peacocks. And if by any wild chance the "Letter Writer" is reading this -- that would be my simple advice to you too --- because perhaps you and I are not dissimilar birds of a feather. It's not that he's "above our league" -- it's that he's a peacock! And we're more like mourning doves, or female cardinals, or raspberry-dipped finches. Which is awesome! My dear woman, I'm so sorry about what happened to you in your youth - but I sense that you have a lot to give - you write beautifully - go find your mate -- who loves you, and wants to be with you - because you're a towhee or a waxwing!

And that is precisely the advice I'm giving myself, and I feel very buoyed by it.

And darling -- I am so so glad and delighted and everything else that you're not a peacock --

I wonder if the library system might consider this book -- because with you, my love, I might just want to, at the right moment, moan like a moorhen...

love you so much

top: Marsh Warblers
bottom: Moorhens
Hand-colored lithographs, from John Gould's The Birds of Great Britain, 1862-1873

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