Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hello darling. Back from a long walk in the rain, lilacs are blooming down in the dell though oddly seem a few days behind on our road, which is on somewhat higher ground, if that's what the difference is. I will have to remember to bring my camera on my walk tomorrow, along with a pair of garden snips so that I can surreptitiously cut a few blooms.

Cool and rainy all day, comfortable for gardening. I stopped by a nursery and bought a couple of packets of seeds, one of "sea shell" cosmos, a ruffly variety of various dark and light pinks, and one of zinnias. When I got home, after a delicious lunch of caesar salad with warm chicken tenders that D put together, I went out to the four raised beds in the yard to do some weeding. Gwynnie in spritely fashion joined me, keeping me company among the planters, delighted that I was out on her turf. I'm trying to figure out what to do with the raised beds this year. In years past we've attempted to grow vegetables, with mixed results - it was quite a bit of work, $$ up front, and too often wildlife got to the crops before we could. The fencing around the area is inadequate. The paths are a mess. But D has no time to fix it up, and it's too big a job for me, I would botch it even if I tried to attempt it, it is just not in my skill set at all. (It's funny, in my family of origin - not one of us I don't think, is remotely handy - possibly my brother who's a year younger than me, but I doubt in his highflying circles, that he exercises that aptitude.) I think one reason I was happy to marry D was that he was handy, he not only can fix things, such projects don't daunt him at all, he has the patience for them, he does them right - complete opposite of me. I grew up in a house that was too small, of indifferent design and construction, and everything about it was falling down, falling apart around us. My father wasn't handy in the slightest, plus he worked fulltime, though puttering around the house fixing things wasn't his weekend hobby, either. Lamps wouldn't turn on - broken for years on end - "I prefer darkness," would be my father's laconic explanation. Open a drawer in the tiny pantry? The drawer front would come off in your hand. A can of sauerkraut substituted for a missing sofa leg. It was too cold in the house in winter, and too hot in summer which was worse, because it made it hard to sleep. Anyway - where I was going with this - was that I never wanted to live like that again. D's and my apartment in Brooklyn was in beautiful condition, we lived beautifully, everything worked, and everything was pleasing to the eye. Everywhere I'd cast my glance, once we had it fixed up and furnished to our liking, was very pleasant and soothing to me. So here we are six years and change upstate, years went into D's tinkering with the house - yes, aspects did improve, definitely - but it is nowhere near done, and now it won't ever be done, I don't believe, not on our watch, and it is hard for me to contend with eyesores and broken things all over the place, I have to tune them out, which is why I suppose I take off on these leaps of fancy in this blog to such an extent - it is my escape.

Anyway, I'm actually in a fine mood - I have roses in my cheeks from my walk, and also that little visit to a specialty shop in Park Slope was absolutely the best thing I ever did for myself, I can't believe how effective my purchase was, honestly, I'm discovering - re-discovering - capacities in myself that I haven't experienced in a long, long time. I am glad I still have it. And darling - I think of you. Life of the mind indeed, and now, blessedly, body too. The uplifts are like gasoline - helping to fuel me this afternoon, I think, to hunker down for some serious weeding.

Anyway, back to the raised beds - I'm thinking that we don't need to grow vegetables this year. D has sprung for a very expensive subscription to the "biodynamic" CSA this year, so beginning in late June, we will have a weekly huge supply of amazing produce (I know, from on occasion in seasons past having the opportunity to picking up my neighbor's "share" when she's in the city). Plus local farmstands are gloriously bountiful. But fresh flowers are expensive (priceless!) and I love to have blooms in vases all over the house, as well as in the garden, so I'm thinking that I'll give over the raised beds this year to a "cutting garden" of annuals - cosmos, zinnias... and we'll see what else, as the season develops.

Love you, darling. Hope all is well with you, and that you're happy & fueled & smiling, inhaling blossoms in every way. Here's one for you - dewy rosy folds meeting yours, tip of a long long stem... XOXO

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