Thursday, May 5, 2011
I like that idea of a quest - not to sound retrogressive, but the idea of a man's life, experience of his own life, having the shape, narrative, imperative, permission, of being a quest. Not just free-floating along the ghosts of ancestors' anxieties who put one here.
Light & shadows at this moment are playing on the back of the woven rattan chair that I never sit in anymore. There's a pair of them up here, very comfortable, back when D & I got along, we'd sit in them after dark on summer weekend nights and listen to Tanglewood concerts on the radio.
Darling, darling, I am completely free-associating here, and am quite tired. It was a day of moving around a lot about house and garden, changing sheets, deadheading last year's corpse stems off fresh sedum mounds that front the porch border. Had the car for a bit and a few dollars, so drove to a nursery where I was very inspired by a planter they'd put together - a huge honking orange plastic thing, $79.95 - but beautifully composed with an unusual mix of complementary flowers. I arrived at the nursery with one idea in mind - to add a bit of contrasting something to the 'sophistica' petunias in the redwood hanging baskets - abandoned it, and found myself going through the rows upon rows of massed greenhouse arrays, trying to duplicate - on the tiniest scale, one of each - the particular flowers found in the larger container garden. I brought them home and planted them in little pots & baskets on the porch table... I'm not done yet, but I believe this arrangement of flowers & pots will form a charming microcosm. Whoever, whenever might come over - myself included -
might be so charmed by pleasing tableau of pots and driftwood & lantern and alpine-like individual specimens of plants - that they will be mesmerized and delighted, and not notice other things.
Ah, the art of distraction. I'm learning it for myself. I don't wear makeup anymore - but I guess I've taken up makeup in other fashions now...
Not that I'm trying to deceive, I'm not. It's more like - ah, this world is so impossible - here look at this beautiful thing, instead of that not-so-beautiful thing.
That's how I'm coming at it, anyway.
Darling, I am very tired, those squeaking towels must be done by now I should go fold them. All my love, XOXO, and hope all is well & happy with you.