Liquid fire like stained glass behind a latticework of trees, amber light framed in an abstract mesh of lead.

***
Good evening, my dearests. In a reflective mood all day, especially now, as I slowly download and watch President Obama's speech in Tucson yesterday evening. I read the transcript this morning and was very moved. I am grateful that the President was able to find words to help lead us out of the wilderness. Also, in learning more about the individual victims who were killed and injured, or who found uncommon strength in themselves, and acted to quell the situation, or to save, or to comfort others, how strikingly this miniscule sampling of individuals (what, hearkening to graduate school days, wouldn't be considered a statistically valid sample) represents - in fact - an amazingly representative, eloquent, diverse sample of Americans (like a cup dipped into water (?) - it brings up a representative sample of water), ordinary Americans, the very best of Americans, living - including within an instantaneous, catastrophic moment of crisis - "throughout the full range of their faculties and sensibilities," to borrow from Hawthorne (via, recently, a friend).

***
I turn on the BBC newscast now at 6, and watch horrifying images of the Brazil floods, a woman trying to save herself and her little dog whom she clutches. In ravagingly tumultuous brown floodwaters she manages to hang on and is hauled to safety, but she wasn't able to save her little dog...

***
I turn my attention away from the TV screen, the images, the news are upsetting and I don't feel I can do anything about them. And what good am I, despondent or upset? It is not easy to strike a balance between being cognizant and aware of events, even if they're beyond one's control, and being in sheer ignorance, willful turning away of attention from them. I struggle with that.

***

Words help. The President's words. I'm glad he clarified that it wasn't incivility in public discourse that caused this tragedy. Because the media, of course, in knee-jerk fashion, seized on precisely that aspect as they do time immemorial. (I remember as a girl many, many years ago hearing discussions as to whether A Clockwork Orange caused youth violence - none of this is new - it probably wasn't new even when as a young girl I was hearing the argument for the first time.) I am glad that the President - the Office of the Presidency - can for a moment rise above and be heard above so much sheer noise.

***
I'll leave it at that. I am missing you, page hits seem very scarce today, particularly from beloved quarters, but at the same time, it's totally okay. One thing I struggle with - and perhaps this does unfortunately qualify me as a bit "needy" (as much as I hate that word) - is that I have little faith, faith in others, in abiding love. Some part of me keeps thinking - oh, it was something I said, or, they changed their mind about me. And honestly, there's a part of me that hurts, the part that reacts that way - but there's another part that says - they're busy, or - they came to their senses, there's just too much at stake - but I have to keep trying to have faith in abiding love. Because I do believe in it, even if I don't have tangible (or intangible) evidence for it all the time. Ah, anyway - faith. A lifeline, for myself.

Good night my dearest darlings.