Monday, May 14, 2012

Hello dearest, are you hovering in the wings, looking out for me? I wonder sometimes, when I get a page-hit whose search terms read, that is the secret. you must get to know the values. And that phrase does link, extremely appositely (though unexpectedly), not only to my blog (a post from the past) but to my life, today.

I'm having King Lear-ish moments with my date from yesterday, in email exchanges today. There are all sorts of longings, and urges, and compulsions, don't I know -- and all I can think to say (well, not all, but I simply -- for however ribald I can sometimes be on this blog -- well, maybe it's sideways, I simply have a hard time coming straight on (any more direct than I already am, in all sorts of other ways, such as disregarding my inner voice this morning, which said, wait for him to contact you first -- no I contacted him first --- I don't know - alpha? submissive? do I deserve a spanking? No I decidedly do not, don't even try it -- oh well -- where was I?...

Right, I've got a plum-topped yogurt cake in the oven -- I can smell it now, the fragrance has announced itself, like a butler with an especially congenial calling card-- up the stairs

Don't let me forget -- it should come out in about fifteen minutes...

Anyway I'm zigging and zagging to let you know that I am circling in my mind around the man I met yesterday whom I -- well, he impressed me, things aren't so instant with me, but I don't know...

Here's the Hemingway quote, from The Sun Also Rises...
"You see, Mr. Barnes, it is because I have lived very much that now I can enjoy everything so well. Don't you find it like that?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"I know," said the count. "That is the secret. You must get to know the values."

Darling, I don't know - I don't have so much this afternoon. I am very impressed (if that's the word) with the man I met yesterday. But I find it hard to describe here. Also I find it hard to tell him directly in messages, thus the Cordelia-like affirmation -- and given your story, everything you told me yesterday -- to think of you as a very, very decent man -- well, that's an understatement.

However I can speak directly to you
and not to him
yet to him
I believe I will be able to give direct kisses
I already know -- I tried -- and it worked out
and so that's how it goes
as I sit here - ah, time to take the fragrant cake out of the oven! -
thinking of my encounter with him yesterday
the very decent and beyond decent sexiness that is him
that makes me think
as we now ping-pong each other
in these exchanges that bounce in different venues all over the place
landing apposite cryptic quotes and messages
and kisses and ---
more - sometime in a toney northern suburb, before you give it up July 1?
and if we make noise -- who'll care? you're out of there - moving!

which is to say, in my next email message to you, perhaps,
so, what train should I take do you think -
hope you're having a pleasant day...

exuberantly so

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