Good late afternoon, my darlings. Is it possible to miss someone I've never even met? So strange, a feeling of slight swerving unreality today, just so much strangeness, people I care about who are mysterious, behind the curtain all the time, and yet. Oh whatever. Feeling quite tired at the moment, but in a nice way. I never did make it out for a walk today, was on my feet much of the afternoon in the kitchen, getting through a small blizzard of cooking, inspired because I'll be going away for an overnight this weekend, to my aunt & cousins convening in Jersey, so D and I will have our Christmas tomorrow, which pretty much means that I'll be roasting half a turkey, but I made the stuffing today, with tons of chopped onion, celery, and mushrooms, and I made the dough for chocolate chip cookies which I'll bring down as my contribution (they'll be gone in about five minutes what with all the little children - wait, maybe not so little anymore, my cousins' children - running around my aunt's house), a peach crostata is in the oven, and I'm about to roast a chicken even though it's a bit redundant with turkey coming tomorrow. But as D pointed out, we'll eat half the chicken tonight, and he's right, it's not so overlapping. What was that craze a few years ago - turducken, turkey stuffed with a duck inside which is stuffed a chicken (good god). Okay, no duck, plus it's all deconstructed, what with the chicken first, a day ahead.

I'm looking forward to the train ride down on Saturday, just looking out the window... What is a Christmas for me without an Amtrak ride? I had a sorry history of that in college, at least two, possibly three different Christmases gone wrong where I found myself on an empty lonelyhearts train returning to Boston. (All these years later they've sort of merged in my mind, turducken style.) But this year it's different! (I say this brightly, Creslyn style - I love the way she does about-faces all the time, just adorable.) It's not bad, it's a train ride I'm actually planning & looking forward to, a different case altogether.

I should go check on the crostata, it's been a good half hour and the aroma is wafting up the stairs, and put the chicken in the oven...

Okay, done. So many people who I care about swirling in my mind - you know who you are, most of you - including a "local" U.S. Senator I'm really proud of ...

I'm not quite ready to wax all New-Yearsy yet, but I do find myself reflecting back on the year, and on relationships I was fortunate to form with very real people - yet people only on line, whom I haven't otherwise met. And yet I really connected with them. And/or I read their books, and mentioned them in my blog, and connected on that level... I don't know, too tired to be articulate at this moment, but it just means so much to me. I really do sense that there are people who think of me, care about me, and they in turn are so often - constantly - in my thoughts - I think of them - with constancy. True, I have yet to score a kiss, but: I don't feel alone, not at all, I love - you love - and, well, let's make do with that. Besides it's not the end of 2010 yet. Anything could still happen - as extraordinary little detonations happened all through the year for me. Little moments that at the time if I caught them as a little butterfly, didn't realize that they'd grow in importance, develop, evolve, into such nice, rich, rewarding, lovely relatings...

I'll launch this now, with the wish and hope that each one of you who means so very very much to me is having a wonderful time. Całuję i uściskam (Polish for XOXO) - Love, Belle