two dreams last night

J comes to me in the night, starts to make love, at first it feels nice but then I feel pinned, paralyzed, seized by a powerful force. I try to move but can’t - my limbs are immobilized. It’s unpleasant, scary, a feeling of being held down by something stronger than me. I will myself awake, find that I can move again, and fall back asleep.

***
I’m with a handsome, youthful artist. He looks at me and smiles, clearly attracted to me. He introduces me to his mother who stands in a doorway. I shake her hand. He tells her that we first met in junior high, and I ask wasn’t it earlier? He names the school he attended – Christenson – so no, we weren’t in grade school together. He’s quite antic, busy getting ready for a performance or show. Now I’m alone in his warren of rooms. I would like to get dressed, preferably shower first. I gather my clothes and find the bath, but can’t seem to get it together.

Later he and I are in a room, sitting next to each other on a divan set against a wall. An older woman enters the room and sits at a table across from us. She smiles and grimaces, says something about how she couldn’t make it or didn’t want to attend something (his last show?). Then she goes into literary interview mode and asks him some serious question.

The artist isn’t in the mood. He turns to me and starts to kiss me, wonderful soft firm kisses, the sensation of his lips against mine palpable, vivid, and delicious. We're becoming aroused and start to make love. I think that we should go someplace private (there are a couple of other people at the table besides the interviewer) but the artist says don’t mind them, they don’t care, and indeed they seem completely disinterested, talking among themselves, oblivious.

I wake thinking – I should be with an artist.

***