Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Good morning, dearest. Last night I dreamt that I was walking towards you, you were waiting for me on a streetcorner. I was smiling with joy, happy to see you, knowing you were happy to see me. When I reached you, you put your arms around me and kissed me. As I woke this morning I lingered in the sensation of being in your arms, gazing at your beloved face, such a nice way to start the day.

I saw the camp manager's write-up yesterday - what a delight! I left a comment to that effect but that blog doesn't seem to publish comments, not that I've ever seen anyway, and they didn't publish mine. I really enjoyed the piece, amusing and full of colorful detail (he has a gift - the writing was charming, sprightly and fresh), and I am very happy to have a much better mental image of what it might be like to be there. (To camp so near the water, that must be amazing! Is there the constant sound of waves?) Plus I am delighted to have new images of you, though they're a little distant, or obscured or indistinct - but still, I'm happy for them.

Today promises to be sunny, hot and sultry. Radio's on with a weather signal test. I wonder if we're going to get storms. I wouldn't be surprised.

You look for sun, I look for rain
We’re different people, we’re not the same
The power of the sun
I look at treetops, you look for caps
Above the water where the waves snap back
I flew around the world to bring you back
It was the power of your heart
You looked at me, I looked at you
Your sleeping heart was shining through
Wispy cobwebs that we’re breathing through
The power of the heart...

I had a wonderful experience at the conservation area yesterday. The morning was cool and fine. I went along the usual paths, exercised with weights in shady spots, paused at the overlook and looked out at the silver river. A Peter Gabriel song (originally by Lou Reed but I don't know that version) came to mind and I sang snippets as I walked -- all around the world the world just to bring you back, it was the power of your heart. I was glad to get out of the sun as the path wound into the woods. Within a shaded glade I rounded a bend and came suddenly upon a young deer. It stood preternaturally still just ahead of me. Peter Gabriel sings, I looked at you, you looked at me. I looked at it, it looked at me. I stood still and spoke softly, hi deer, don't be afraid, it's just me, aren't you beautiful. What strange marvelous creatures they are, otherworldly. Two alien species regarded one another. I was glad to get a good long look at the eloquently expressive yet mute and expressionless creature - paradoxical. I took in its impenetrably dark eyes, jutting ears improbably large for such a narrow ovoid head. The lithe creature was graceful yet at the same time ungainly, as if missing arms, its body massive for such delicate thin legs. The deer grew skittish and pranced in place, looking at me and nervously over its shoulder at the overgrowth, uncertain whether to stay or flee. I spoke to it in soothing tones and it stepped from hoof to hoof like a horse in a paddock. It's the longest encounter I've ever had with a deer, a sustained interval, up close and personal. I took a couple of steps to resume my walk, gently signaling my intention to go in its direction, and spotted another young deer hidden in the brambles, a sibling perhaps which watched us both. I took another step and the deer in a sudden panic turned, bounded into the vegetation, and uttered a cry, which surprised me because I thought that deer are utterly mute - it was a cough-like cry, strangled and inarticulate. The pair of deer momentarily thrashed in the thicket, the racket ceased, and now they were hidden and perfectly still again, watching me perhaps as I walked past. I thought of the past, you thought of what could be. I walked for another twenty minutes or so, returned to the car, started the engine, turned on the radio - and at that precise moment KZE started to play Power of the Heart, amazing. I sang along as I made my way down the dusty dirt drive and turned onto the main road towards home.

You know me I like to dream a lot
Of what there is and what there’s not
But mainly I dream of you a lot
The power of your heart
The power of your heart
All around the world to bring you back
It's the power of your heart
The power of your heart

Putting my arms around you, darling, as in a dream. Love and very many kisses.


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